"Starting now."

The last words of Season 1 echo all throughout this season of Barry, and not just because those same two words are said once again in its finale, itself titled "starting now." No, the reason those words ring true are because they represent a choice Barry made at the end of Season 1, a choice that defined everything Barry did going forwards. At the end of Season 1, Barry has seemingly escaped the life. He was no longer under the thumb of his handler/father figure Fuches, everyone he killed couldn't be traced back to him, and he finally had the simple, non-violent life he had been searching for. He's turned over a new leaf. No more killing, right?

Well, as you know, detective Janice Moss figures him out and confronts him. And in doing so, he was presented with two choices: accept the consequences of everything he's done, or kill Moss, and continue living the life he felt he deserved. He chose the latter, and the episode ends on those words, "starting now." Seemingly a vow that the violence has come to an end. But, even back then, it was evident that from a narrative perspective, that was meant to be ironic. If Barry had truly pledged to put an end to his violence, he would have faced the music and turned himself in. He threw away his chance at redemption, and yet he still kept going. He kept living the lie he had told himself, that this was a new beginning for him.

And so, Season 2 was about maintaining the lie. The illusion that he had changed. No one is able to trace Janice's murder back to him. Her former partner was the only one to piece it together, only for him to get himself killed before he could present the evidence. So, Barry's free, right? He can pursue his passion of acting, it's over? The violence has come to an end, seemingly. 

But, as we see at the beginning of Season 3, it was all an act. He had taught himself how to pretend to be a good person, but that violent side of him was only hidden away, not conquered. He seems like a nice, harmless guy to the wider world, but secretly, he's still feeding his violent urges by doing hitman work. His acting teacher, Gene, now knows Barry killed Janice, and in turn, becomes the first person who can see through his act.

Barry is a walking contradiction, lying not just to the world around him but also to himself. Some part of him does truly want to live a peaceful life, but he doesn't see his own hypocrisy. He's still willing to use violence to get whatever he wants. And the push and pull between his life as a hitman and his life as an actor will keep him in this endless contradiction. He keeps trying to escape the consequences, to tell himself that his peaceful life starts now, but every time those consequences threaten to catch up to him, he breaks his own rule. Barry, at least in his current state, cannot be redeemed because he doesn't have it in him to accept fault.

And so, this season sought to push him to extremes. To watch him self-destruct and ruin everything good he had in his life, still unable to see the problem. He's not truly willing to change. In the end, the act is turned against him. Gene pulls some reverse psychology to make Barry think Janice's father was threatening Gene, knowing Barry would react by attempting to kill him to protect Gene. Once again, Barry claims to want to leave the violence behind him, but still tries to solve his problems with violence. 

So, he takes the bait, falling for a trap that gets him arrested, leaving Season 4 in a precarious but exciting position. It really feels like this show has to end in Season 4, because now everyone's about to know who he really is. The only one who doesn't is himself.

Favorite episode: starting now