here are my thoughts on everyone in this bottle episode. god can you believe we exist at the same time as this incredible masterpiece.

- kendall: of course he saw grief as something to tackle. he just wants to win for once. that fucking piece of paper gave him an excuse to throw the grief competition out the window though. it’s time to be what my dad wanted me to be. no, no, not because I’m sad or anything! not because he emotionally groomed me into this role and kept taking it away just to watch me crawl back, bloodied and broken! it’s solely because its what he wanted… for the business… yeah. yeah, thats all. 

- roman: family sentimentalist, which is one of the things he hates most about himself. more importantly, I love how he drinks water out of the tap. my fascist pookie bear. I want to put him in a jar (with air holes) and watch him squirm. okay this bullet point got out of hand

- shiv: womanhood is a bubble that shes tried to get out of her whole life. it’ll never pop, which is inherently neutral, arguably beautiful, but for shiv? in this business? with this family? its an *obstacle*

- connor: hey, how is everyone! are you guys okay? yeah, I’m fine, but are you okay? can I buy this house? I’ll pay anything. I just want a piece of my dad, please

- tom: Here To Serve Cunt 🫡.

- greg: has turned into everything season 1 greg would find simultaneously impressive and deeply embarrassing. truly a question mark. its almost like him and roman have switched personalities in a way, based on the kerry scene alone. it makes sense but its even harder to find a redeeming aspect of it when we’ve already seen who he can be. kind, considerate. hes choosing to be this version of himself. genius character writing, imo

- stewy: my colleague at the kendall roy defense team headquarters. its hard work, what we do

- gerri: looked absolutely sexy as fuck. apparently this was a funeral? like… nobody was thinking about logan’s damn corpse when she looked that good. be serious

- karolina: lesbian (because I said so). smart. love when she speaks. all irrelevant to the plot but its relevant to me. 

- frank: kendall’s #Real father figure, karl’s #Truest love

- karl: can’t stop thinking about the tweet saying he resembles a clock

- willa: hates her life but also loves her life but also despises her life. but connors nice enough, right? look at how beautiful this house is! 

- hugo: there, for some reason 

- marcia: she wore a black veil in her hair. cuntress3000.

- kerry: perfect representation of the more human side of these circumstances. not even just human, either. she serves as a reminder of logan’s unbothered views on power dynamics and how big of a vulnerability risk it was for her. plus, how the characters reacted to the outburst shows where they currently stand (sorry roman, you were caught in 4k. you, in fact, did not pre-grieve) 

- logan: dead af🤣🤣🤣